The Fifth Day
What's that?
I was drunk last night.
Don't recall bumping it.
Get well soon.
Thank you.
How's the policeman's part?
It turned out better than thought.
The chief read it.
He did?
He came by so I showed him.
He was very happy.
That's good news.
He requested we cast a handsome actor.
I'll tell my boss.
How about approval?
Will you give it?
Something else?
About the policeman...
I don't buy it.
Hang on a second.
The chief may be satisfied but I'm not.
What do you mean?
He's just passing by.
Sakisaka-san...
The lovers embrace, the officer appears...
Read it, please.
The lovers embrace. A policeman appears.
"Hey, you two. What's going on?"
They break apart. The officer approaches, smiling.
"Cheeky love-birds. " He exits, grinning.
Where's the problem?
It's too random.
You're telling me?
What?
The role didn't exist yesterday.
It's so artificial. Like pressure from above
forced you to put it in. I hate that.
That's the truth, though.
I beg your pardon?
Forgive me.
Can't there be a reason for him to appear?
There is a reason.
What?
Just as they get in the mood,
their lips almost touch... knock, knock, someone's there.
"What's going on, here?" The punters will wet themselves.
They will?
Undoubtedly.
I wonder.
Trust me on this. Guaranteed hilarity.
So the police officer's the butt of your joke.
Absolutely not.
That's what you said.
No, I didn't. The laugh's not on him,
but on the couple's panic.
That's your opinion.
The cop's a dream role.
You think he値l yell, but he just says "Cheeky love-birds"
and walks away, cool as can be.
It's a plum part.
"Plum"?
There aren't many this fun to play.
Please give us approval.
Otherwise I don't know what my boss値l say.
Wait. It bothers me.
What does?
I'm imagining how the officer would feel.
Please, wait a moment.
Rehearsal time's running out.
It'll be too late, soon.
A couple embrace by the curb.
An officer approaches, looks...
What's the line?
"What's going on, here?" They part.
He approaches. A tap on the shoulder.
"Cheeky love-birds. " Then he turns a blind eye.
Any problem?
What don't you like?
Why not turn a blind eye at the start?
You're meticulous.
I don't like him turning up only to get a laugh.
It's like he's a peeping tom.
I feel like yelling at him to leave them alone.
Sak saka-san.
You're the first censor ever to care this much.
This guy bothers me.
Some actors are like that "This doesn't make sense".
"My character wouldn't do this".
I can't approve it.
The script's not right.
I never met such a censor.
It's not censorship, it's story-editing.
Does he have to say, "What's going on, here?"
Yes, he does.
Otherwise they've no need to separate.
I see.
"What's going on?" They see him.
It's a calculated.
Really...
Can you please give me a break?
But I can't approve it like this.
But the police chief is happy, right?
It's my decision!
Sorry, but give it another night.
A writer of your caliber will think of something.
Excuse me.
How about this?
No, a layman should keep quiet.
What?
I just had an idea.
Forget it, I'm embarrassed.
Please, it might be useful.
It's just an amateur's idea.
Please tell me.
What if the officer's chasing someone?
Interesting.
He's after a robber. He happens by.
The lovers drop their embrace.
It might work well.
It was just a thought.
No, it might be really good.
I think it's more natural.
Sakisaka-san, it's funny.
Let's have him chase a robber.
An officer appears shouting "Halt!"
And he asks them, "Did anyone just run past?"
But they didn't notice a thing.
That's right.
He leaves, they line up again.
Then he comes back and they part.
"He definitely came this way. Where is he?"
We really feel his predicament.
The lovers want him to leave but he won't 'til he finds his man.
This is good. This is excellent comedy.
Really?
Let's try it out.
What, now?
It's best to walk it through. It makes you realize things.
Let's do it.
Would you be the cop?
Me?
I'll play the couple.
Wait a minute.
Do his lines, please.
What do you mean?
It's your real job, right?
It's rather sudden.
So, the couple embrace...
Kanichi-san.
Omiya-san.
Enter Ogawara, the policeman.
If you please.
Kanichi-san.
Omiya-san.
Quick, I'm embarrassed, too.
Where from?
There.
What do I say?
You're chasing a thief, so, "Halt!"
"Halt!"
Then you glance at them.
Glance.
They jump apart. The cop runs off.
Runs off.
Quickly.
Don't push your luck.
It's just your exit.
From the top, once more.
Kanichi-san, Omiya-san.
Enter the cop.
Halt!
Glance.
They jump apart. Cop exits.
I like it. I like it a lot.
- Tsubaki-san, may I? - Of course.
Maybe best if he doesn't glance.
If it were me, I'd approach them.
But a look will get a laugh.
No, he wouldn't look. It's not true.
Perfectionist.
I couldn't approve it.
Okay. He doesn't look just runs past.
It's best.
Kanichi-san.
Omiya-san.
Enter Ogawara.
Halt!
Then when he eaves.
The couple gets ready again.
Kanichi-san, Omiya-san.
Ogawara returns.
Your line please.
What is it?
Did a man just run past?
The thief went that way.
Which way's "that way"?
Very nice.
It just came out.
That way's there.
There...
The cop exits.
They embrace again.
Ogawara returns once more.
He does?
Please.
Isn't it too much?
That's comedy.
Damn.
Where did he go?
That's very good.
Over there, Officer.
Over there...
The cop exits.
He comes back again.
Are you sure?
Maybe this way.
This way!
Then again.
No, that's enough. It's a ready too much.
One more time.
Three times is over-the-top. Four is overdone.
If you say so.
I'm sweating.
Please, take a break.
May I say something? It occurred to me...
Pursuing a thief, no officer yells "halt".
Is that right?
No thief ever stops as ordered.
What do we do? How about "You bastard"?
He won't shout if he can't see him.
What値l we do?
How's this?
He's with his men and yells, "He went that way!"
Sak saka-san.
Superb.
Kanichi-san.
Omiya-san.
Over there, he went that way!
Kanichi-san.
Omiya-san.
Did a man just run past?
The thief went that way.
Which way's "that way"?
That way's there.
He went that way!
Kanichi-san, Omiya-san.
Damn. Where'd he go?
Officer, he went there.
Men, that way.
Kanichi-san, Omiya-san.
Are you sure?
Then, maybe this way.
This way!
Over here.
He went this way.
Men, over here.
That's strange. Over here.
Sak saka-san.
It's wonderful.
Really impressive, Sakisaka-san.
If you'd compile that I'd be grateful.
You've got a writer's gift.
Don't flatter me.
I値l go home and work on it.
Thank you for your help.
It feels strange.
Not like a censor but as if I'm helping you make it funnier.
For which I'm grateful.
See you tomorrow.
Excuse me.
Adults 50 Sen - Children 20 Sen
The Sixth Day
Take thou this vial. Thy pulse shall halt.
For three hours, sleep as though dead.
For your love to prosper,
this potion is the only way.
Father.
Here's Omiya.
About this sleeping potion.
This is it.
I take it and die once.
In the tomb, meet Kanichi and we elope.
Correct.
Does it work?
Worry not. Drink it and die like the sleeping.
Really? I'm not supposed to die!
My mistake. Sleep like the dying.
Thank you. Are you sure it works?
No need to worry.
No side-effects?
Tested on animals.
On animals?
A frog, a dog and a monkey.
The frog and dog recovered.
That's a relief. What about the monkey?
It died.
That's no good.
Only the monkey.
But they're the most human.
Do ex-squeeze me.
Did a person try it?
Don't worry. I did last night.
How was it?
No side-effects.
That's a relief.
I should know; I was awake all night.
Some sleeping potion...
Do ex-squeeze me.
It's coming together.
Getting much funnier.
Thanks to you.
Not that I really care.
Fancy a smoke?
Not for me, thanks.
Imperial issue.
Thanks anyway.
Pardon me.
It's thanks to you.
You've got innate comic talent.
Please, stop.
I really think so.
It's just an amateur's luck.
Comedy needs a special sense.
Rewriting with my boss never goes this smoothly.
Actors only look at their own role
and try to get more lines.
They're exhausting to work with.
This "Blue Sky" chap... your boss.
Is he really popular?
I guess so. Our head- line act.
Be honest with me. Is he funny?
You put me on the spot.
Answer the question.
Sometimes he's funny.
Tons of experience. Great timing.
What about "ex-squeeze me"?
You've got me there...
Honestly, nobody laughs at al.
You're right. But...
Someone should tell him.
It's his trademark phrase.
If he didn't do it, we'd miss it.
I don't understand.
Sak saka-san.
How do you know?
That nobody laughs?
I can just imagine.
You saw the show?
You came by our theater?
Last night, on my way home.
Did you really?
Not that I was really interested.
You should've come backstage.
Were you there?
I was directing.
Really.
So you actually came...
Did you write that, too?
Yes.
"Ishikawa Master Thief"
A Kabuki classic as samurai slapstick.
Script problems?
Not to speak of. Just "ex-squeeze me".
It came up eight times.
Did you enjoy it?
Categorizing the audience,
one might say I was among those amused.
Please admit you had fun.
Your boss ruins it, though.
What a hammy fool.
I know.
He plays Shogun Hideyoshi?
Why does he spin cushions?
Is it in the script?
Your idea?
It's his party trick.
We have to put it in somewhere.
This time...
I don't recall any stuff with cushions.
There is.
Really?
Everything must be in there, by law.
Where is it?
Right here.
"The priest stands playing around. "
Does that mean the cushion trick?
I didn't realize.
I kept it vague thinking you'd rule it improper.
Get rid of it.
But...
It's not a question of proper or not. It's not funny.
What' he say?
- Do you like it? - Not really.
Lose it.
He's our troupe leader, so he'll do it anyway.
I'll arrest him on the spot.
If he tries it again, I'll shoot him dead.
It does stick out,
but it's not completely bad.
If it keeps him in good spirits
then there's a point to it.
Is he that important?
If he's in a good mood the whole theater relaxes.
The other cast members can a I relax into their roles.
Theater's a living thing, these details are important.
If you could let it go just this once.
If that's what you wish...
Sorry.
It's fixed.
Let's see.
No further problems.
Thank you very much.
Good luck with rehearsals.
Thank you very much.
I'I be there first night.
I look forward to it.
Yesterday,
I stopped at a nearby bar.
Which one?
By the bridge.
You spoke to the old guy?
He talks a lot.
Yes, he does.
He loves Asakusa theater. Sees all the plays.
A walking encyclopedia. What did he say?
He told me lots.
About our theater?
Investigation's my forte, so I got a lot of information
undercover, of course,
about you and the theater.
Your reputation is terrible.
He's just a guy in a bar. I don't pay attention.
I asked others, too.
The ticket collector.
The old lady?
She referred to you as a traitor.
Traitor.
Stool-pigeon.
Police lap-dog.
Traitor.
Stool-pigeon.
Police lap-dog.
I've heard them a I.
I don't care.
Let them talk. The punters know the truth.
That injury wasn't from a bump.
The actors beat you.
What's going on?
They hate that I keep rewriting to your orders.
"Why don't you put up a fight?"
You fought plenty hard.
"If you'd any self-respect, you wouldn't take it. "
But then you'd be shut down.
A proud man would prefer that.
Many theaters choose to close.
I don't care. As long as the play gets better.
I don't care what others say.
And your boss?
As long as he's got his best line and his cushions.
I...
should apologize.
I'd no idea it'd lead to that.
It's fine.
I got you into that situation.
I'm not bothered.
To tell the truth...
I intended to shut you down.
I started this work thinking
to place unreasonable demands
and close these unsuitable plays.
I figured as much.
Thus my requests and nit-picking.
I thought you'd give up.
But you held fast,
rewrote to my request
and made a better script.
Even an amateur could see.
Half the credit is yours.
Not at all. It's your ability.
Thank you for your kind words.
I admire you. Victory is yours.
You're one of the very best.
Disregard the others and keep at it.
There's talk of a commendation.
I put your name forward.
You didn稚 have to do that.
Allow me that much.
Invite you for lunch with the staff.
Don't please. I'd get even more flak.
Maybe so.
Sak saka-san.
I' tell you a secret.
This is my struggle.
Struggle?
In what sense?
I don't understand what our country's doing.
Why is laughter wrong?
Why take away people's pleasures?
I understand how you feel.
But this isn't the place to mention it.
Sorry.
But I just don't get it.
A world where we can't write freely is wrong.
Why can't we write what we choose?
We just want to be funny why submit each line to a censor?
Tsubaki-san.
I thought of laying down my pen.
But I'm a comedy writer.
Comedy writers must have their own way of dissent.
Ignoring his Majesty's laws and withdrawing a script. Is one way.
Ignoring the censor's input.
Staging the play, awaiting arrest is another.
But this didn't fee right for me.
It's not in a comedy writer's blood.
What unique way could I employ?
Then I knew.
I'd take whatever they threw at me.
Rewrite everything they asked.
But make it better...
funnier, more interesting than before.
I knew that would be my way.
My way of struggling,
against the authorities.
I understand what you've said.
Thank you.
Let me ask one thing.
Why tell me?
I knew you'd understand me.
At east, you understand comedy.
A gross overestimation.
What a pity.
Sakisaka-san...
You shouldn't have told me any of that.
Wait a minute.
Such a shame.
It seems we got carried away
and forgot our places.
I am the face of the authority you so despise.
You think I can turn a blind eye?
Sakisaka-san...
How could you be so naive?
I didn't want to hear it.
Wait a minute.
Did not want to hear it.
What will you do?
Are we shut down?
That would be easy.
So too, detaining you as an agitator.
But let's play fair and square.
You have your way. I have mine.
It'll be a battle of wits.
What do you mean?
I can't approve the script as is.
I forgot one important change.
Can you indulge this request?
Let me hear it.
Remove all elements of humor.
But that's...
As a comedy, it cannot be faulted.
But in these times comedy itself is inappropriate.
Please excise al comedic parts.
Should one remain, the play will not be approved.
I'm to stop writing plays?
Interpret it as you will.
How about it?
Are you up to the challenge?
Of course.
Give me a day. I値l rewrite it.
Excuse me.
Tsubaki-san.
You did understand me?
I believe so.
Yet you値l rewrite it?
Yes.
I want a comedy with no laughs.
Such a thing is impossible.
How would you know?
You're so confident.
I'm not.
But I've faith in myself.
Something will come to me.
As it has thus far.
Comedy without laughs.
Sounds interesting.
I look forward to it.
Excuse me.
I'll see you tomorrow.
The Seventh Day
It's the first time you're late.
I'm sorry.
You look tired.
I didn't sleep.
Not at all?
No.
I read your script.
You worked hard. It's changed.
It's a different work altogether.
A done in one night.
I worked flat out.
What were you thinking?
About what?
Remember what I said?
If I laughed once, there'd be no approval.
So, what's this?
It's funny from page one.
You think so?
Page two. Kanichi and Omiya meet.
Why the regional accent?
Is there one?
"Me-oh-my, it's my Omiya. "
It's goofy as hell.
What's the idea?
Te me. What were you thinking?
I'm honored you laugh.
What about this...
Kanichi's line,
"This time next year and the year after that and
"the year after, the y'after, the y'after... "
It's stupid.
It's stupid but it's fun.
You like that, don't you.
What is it?
It's the funniest yet.
Explain yourself.
Enlighten me.
I said not to make me laugh once.
How many times do you think I did?
I counted.
Eighty three times.
Me, who's never laughed in his life. I laughed eighty three times.
I'm honored.
I laugh just to think of it.
Fool.
Is it some kind of challenge?
Fair enough.
Your script is a delight. But a deal is a deal.
I can't approve it. You may leave.
Excuse me.
Wait.
What's going on?
Forget it.
I don't understand.
Things have changed.
Things?
When I got home, I found this.
Army Draft Card
Even if the play's approved, I won't be there to see it.
Tsubaki-san.
I report in two days
to an infantry regiment up North.
In that case...
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Just between us,
I wrote the draft board to defer your call-up.
They crossed in the mail.
You did that...
Thank you for the thought.
Wait a minute.
Does it mean you wrote the script
knowing of your draft?
I was so engrossed, I blocked it out.
Extraordinary...
Sak saka-san.
It contains everything I learned in Asakusa.
I give it to you.
It'll never be performed.
Share it with someone.
Tsubaki-san...
Excuse me.
Please wait.
What of your theater?
I don't know.
You drove their popularity.
The next play?
Cancelled, I guess.
What a waste. With such a script.
A script's no use without a director.
Can't something be done?
Sak saka-san.
But it's perfect.
What a thing to say.
It's not approved, remember.
You're right.
Thank you for everything.
Tsubaki-san.
Bravely,
I'll go die for my nation.
Excuse me.
Wait.
Don't disturb us.
Don't get killed.
Sak saka-san.
I'll look after the script for you.
Sak saka-san.
One day.
You'll direct this.
But...
So, make it home. Do not die.
Are you a owed to say that?
It's a secret.
I'm grateful to you.
You opened my eyes to a world I never knew existed.
I've been laughing all week.
Me, who'd never laughed before.
I took it home and reread it.
Laughed at each line.
Imagined the actor's moves.
Then...
Felt grateful to the intelligence of the man behind it.
I want to read more of your plays.
Make me laugh more.
Who knows if the troupe will exist on my return.
We'll get new actors.
It's not easy.
Okay. If no-one else, I値l do it.
Impossible.
Kanichi and Omiya.
The cop... I'll play them all.
It's impossible.
I値l do it.
Don't you worry.
Thank you.
Come back safe.
No talk of death for the nation's sake.
Isn't that what you wrote?
It's only worth dying for steak.
You like that line, don't you?
I love it.
UNIVERSITY OF LAUGHS
YAKUSHO Koji
INAGAKI Goro
Original Story & Screenplay by M TAN Koki
Music by HONMA Yusuke
Produced by Fuji Television Network/ TOHO/PARCO In Association with Kyodo Television
Directed by HOSHI Mamoru
2004 Fuji Television Network/ TOHO/PARCO
The End